The Year In Which We Resolve Not to Resolve Our Resoultions...

Resolutions: They're something we all think about this time of year, whether we are for them, against them or aren't really sure either way. Today being New Year's Eve, I know there are plenty of you out there making lists of things you want to do or do better this upcoming year. And there's nothing wrong with this fact. As we all have different personalities, each one of us handles things differently. Where making a resolution may seem pointless to one person, another uses it as a base plan for the year to come. Of course, it also depends on what we make of our resolutions. The plain old "I'll lose weight" or "I'll get healthier" is a given for many, while some have more elaborate things they want to resolve to do. The more elaborate, the more difficult to achieve.

 

As with most things as we age, we make our goals/resolutions more complicated. This makes sense as life is more complicated as an adult than it is as a child, so obviously our goals are as well. Unfortunately, we tend to use that as an excuse to be hard on ourselves; Put too much pressure on ourselves. Yes, life and subsequent goals are more complicated, but remember that that means adding to your daily life is also more, well, complicated! As a kid you can easily say, "I'm going to go outside and play more" or "I'm going to read more books this year" because for the most part, your day to day life is already laid out for you and your schedule doesn't change all that much. Once we've grown up and run our own lives (okay, let's be realistic, mostly run our own lives), adding, removing, moving around daily occurrences can often be easier said than done. Sure, we want to read more books this year, but between work, household duties, taking care of kids/spouses/animals/etc., appointments, errands and maybe even 5 minutes to decompress, where do we fit that book reading?

The important thing about resolutions is that we are using them to strive towards become a better person. A better version of ourselves. But this is where it all goes wrong for a large number of folks. Due to many circumstances, we tend to lean on the side of not taking these promises to ourselves very seriously. Some of us do this by semi-consciously undercutting ourselves with thoughts like, "I really want to do this, but my track record isn't great." Others start out with everything in line and have prepped that inner voice to cheer them on, only to drop the ball once (because, come on, we are far from a perfect species!) and end up beating themselves up until they give up and decide to start again later. There are always those that set these goals for themselves and seem to hit them right along, succeeding in their ultimate goal. To them I say, "What drugs are you taking and where can I get some?" But in all seriousness, our success comes down to a number of things and the social consciousness doesn't take most of them into account. This makes the whole thing a dangerous mental situation for a good majority of those that decide to partake in the tradition.

Which leads me to my own personal view of the whole thing:

 

I decided a long time ago that New Year's resolutions were not for me. Looking back, I can see why teachers encouraged them for their students. It's always good to teach kids to strive to be and do their best and for most educators or caregivers, this is their ultimate intention in instructing their pupils to set a resolution. I remember that my teachers were usually good about making sure we all understood that we needed to set a reasonable, reachable goal. A New Year's resolution was meant to be something you could realistically do within the year. It's not meant for life long goals or things that would, conceivably, take more than 12 months to accomplish. We were encouraged to resolve to do things such as be nicer to our fellow students, turn in our homework on time, be on time in general. Things that may take us a little bit of time to get used to, but are totally feasible.

As an adult (as I am so rudely forced to be), I realized that my well intentioned New Year's resolutions end up just being another in the list of life stressors. Reading more, which is something I usually love to do when I can and use as a relaxation tool, has now become another assignment. If life gets in the way once, it's understandable. Things happen and I shouldn't be too hard on myself. Well, then life gets in the way again and I start thinking, "You made this resolution for a reason. You need to follow through, whether you think you have time for it or not." See that statement right there? Stress. Then I miss yet another day and I start beating myself up, "I'm so worthless. I can't even manage my time well enough to read a single chapter from a book once a day." And another day, "Seriously? What is wrong with you?!" At some point, my human tendency towards avoidance kicks in. I get anxious and depressed every time I look at a book. I can add this to the miles long list of things I've failed at, because that's all I do. I fail... That relaxing past time of reading that I once enjoyed so much is now something I dread.

Now I want you to stop. What are you thinking as you read this?

• Are you thinking, "Man, she's being really hard on herself." while still feeling good about your own resolution? If you are, then you are in what seems to me to be the minority of people who don't let others' frustration seep into their own and compound. Good for you! No, seriously. Good for you. I am envious and wish I could figure out how to stop taking outside stress on as my own.
• Are you possibly thinking, "This sounds like what I do to myself but I would never be that hard on anyone else"? Welcome to my brain. Rationally I realize that these thoughts are ridiculously judgemental and would never think them if anyone else told me they were struggling with their resolution. Emotionally, I expect better of myself and if I'm not going to beat myself up and force myself to do better, then who is? This folks, is NOT a healthy way of thinking and I know that. I strive each and every day to be nicer to myself, which is possibly the hardest thing I've ever faced.
• Or maybe you're thinking, "Serves her right. If you make a resolution, you stick to it. No excuses. No rationalizing missing now and then. Just do it." To this I say, in no uncertain terms, fuck off you judgemental twat. If you're reading this and recognize this as someone you know, I am truly sorry. You deserve better from your support system.






• I know there are some of you out there that are saying, "Well, what if that person was just trying to be supportive and push someone to succeed?" Supporting someone is a very slippery slope, that's really a greased up teeter-totter resting on the precipice of a mountainside with spikes and alligators at the bottom waiting to tear you apart. Using the "push them to succeed" method should only be used on someone you know intimately enough to know that they will understand it as support and not demeaning criticism. If you truly mean to bolster someone's resolve and help get them out of a self-flagellating mindset, taking a second to consider where your relationship with them stands is very important.

Because of these and other factors, I am reticent to suggest everyone take on a New Year's resolution. I think the most important thing when deciding whether you should or not is if it'll be uplifting motivation or undue stress. As previously stated, I no longer participate in this tradition as I know it's bad for me. There are things that I want to get done this year and I will always keep those at the forefront of my mind. Adding the designation of "New Year's resolution" just seems to turn goals into undoable tasks, so I'd rather just leave them unlabeled in my mess of a brain. I do not condemn nor promote the societal tradition of New Year's resolutions. I think that their necessity and success are just so different for each of us and should be considered on a case to case basis.

What I want you to take away from this is that we're constantly learning our personal stressors and how to reduce them while still succeeding at the things we want. This is more than acceptable as it is,
in itself, a form of personal growth. And personal growth leads to becoming that better person that I talked about earlier.

 

So if you have goals and you feel good about how it'll help you throughout this next year, you go! I support you in your endeavors and am here for you the whole way.

 If you think back and realize that New Year's resolutions have never worked for you, then you go! I support you in how you choose to go forward through this next year and am here for you the whole way.

Either way, you do you, Boo. As long as you try and continue in the right direction, in whatever way works best for you, it'll all work out.

So what about you? Do you do New Year's resolutions? Have you sworn them off? How do you feel about them in general? If you do have resolutions, what are they? I'd love to know what everyone is working towards. And hey, if it's something I can help with (say, if you want to eat healthier and need new recipes?), hit me up! I may suck in my own resolve, but I am an amazing cheerleader!